Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Is Conviction a Good Thing?

"Think critically and flexibly. Never defend your scrap of reality to the death, because no one knows the whole picture."

This is what a wonderful teacher from my summer course said. I took these literature courses this summer, taught by two teachers: one professor nearly bored me to tears with his droning and desire to explicate on the "symbolism of the Brooklyn Bridge". I yearned to throw my books right in his "intellectually deep", stupid face. 

(Btw, anyone who describes themselves as "deep" is surely not)

The other teacher was MY kind of teacher. Smart, introspective, yet deeply practical. I loved hearing her rants because afterwards I would write down these little snippets of wisdom that burst spontaneously from her brain. The one above is the most important, I think. 

Personally, I think it's frustrating that for most people, 12+ years of edjamacation will not teach them the importance of said quotation. They will learn a little piece of observation or opinion. They will agree with it. Then they will use it to define their ideology, and by proxy, every single issue in the world. Fuck other viewpoints or ideas, I'm clearly right because that's the only thing I can see in my very limited scope! 

I think back to when I was a child, and saw everything through a strict Disneyfied glass: everything was categorized as "evil" or "good". But the point is, part of growing up is to recognize the gray areas of life. Ambiguity becomes frustrating and awful, but it's a responsibility. It seems to me that some of the most learned, eloquent people I've met are also some of the most childish and narrow people I have ever met.  

The reason why I bring this up is because the other day in Economics, someone treaded upon the topic of health care. A girl spoke up. "I don't understand why we don't have govt. health care. I mean, I have RELATIVES who don't have health care." I despised her, but I'll also admit that she's truly one of the smartest and quick-thinking people I've ever met.  The discussion quickly turned into "why are people against health care so dumb?", self-aggrandizing roast. Meanwhile, I was steaming under the table. 

I don't consider myself affiliated with any party, but I do have aunts and uncles in the medical community, who have completely contrasting views on health care. I like to listen to them, and learn more because I KNOW I don't know enough about the issue to establish a legit opinion. And here were these sixteen/seventeen year old girls throwing hissy fits about health care because it didn't feel logical in their narrow little viewpoints. Hey darlings! How about you read up some articles, do a little research, and try and understand why the other side feels that way? 

Learning isn't about what you know. It's about recognizing that you don't know every little thing.

 I see classmates and friends on the ivory tower, complaining about how intolerant their parents are of race/sexuality, unaware that they're heading to the same deadlocked wall. At a certain age, I think people start to cancel out the possibility that they can be wrong. About themselves, about issues, everything. 

So now I remain in doubt. 


But back to the title of my post - is even DOUBT a good thing? See, now I'm doubting the ideology of doubt. It's driving me crazy. (I hate these little quasi philosophical circles - I feel safer when I'm rooted in practical ground) But after all, convictions is what gets things done. How often was something accomplished just because of ONE person's cocksure, absolute assurance that he/she was right? To what extremes should we stop doubting ourselves and just dive nose-first, at the risk of diving into a pool of shit?

Going to sleep now. Getting up in four hours to study......sigh. 

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