God, a shout out to MLIA. Never thought I would find a community where everyone enthusiastically hates on Twilight and Miley Cyrus, revels in all things Harry Potter, Pokemon, and enjoys forging random connections with strangers. I love how NONE of the stories submitted contain average anecdotes, unless they're ingeniously witty like like "Today I had sex with my girlfriend. She screamed the name Tommy. My name is Tommy." 

I've also noticed that there's an FML-MLIA divide. My friends enjoys FML much more and insists that MLIA is stupid, even though she's laughed her ass off at all the MLIA stories I've given her. Honestly, what does it say about you when you enjoy drowning yourself in depressing stories about jackass boyfriends and food poisoning, instead of pithy, hilarious ones? In short, I have no idea why everyone in the world isn't an MLIA convert yet. 

Here are some of my favorite MLIAs. I'm kind of using this as a memory storage in case I forget any of them in the future, though some of these are hard to forget.

Today , I went to the new Harry Potter movie with a friend . At the part where Dumbledore died , a man close to the front row yelled "NO!" and ran out the emergency exit door . It made my day . MLIA.

When I was little I would write my initials on my one dollar bills before I spent them. Today, I bought a cup of coffee and my change included a dollar bill with my initials in the corner. I've waited 10 years for this to happen. It's bound to be a good day. MLIA (not one of my favorites, exactly, but just a reminder for me to do the same in the future). 

Today, my friend explained to me that if you write 3.14 on a piece of paper and hold it in a mirror, it will say pie. Mind. Blown. MLIA

Today, I asked my dad to make me a milkshake. He told me to make one myself. I responded that I didn't know how to make a good milkshake. His response? "Well, that's why your single. No boys ever come to our yard." MLIA.

Today, in history class, we were studying the ancient city states of Ancient Greece. Our teacher (the classic old history teacher) had a rolling chalkboard with a map of greece, and we tried to label them of a reading in our textbook. Our teacher pointed at one unmarked city and asked, "What city is this?" No one answered. After the awkward silence, our teacher yelled "THIS IS SPARTA!" and kicked the chalkboard to the floor. MLIA

Today, I went through the McD's drive through and ordered a #3 with a cinnamelt. I realized I did not have enough money for the cinnamelt so I quickly drove out of line and pulled in a parking spot by the door. I walked in and, almost as if puzzled as to what I should get, I ordered simply a #3. I was happy to have enough money for the essentials. The man proceeded to hand me a bag and said, "here. there's a cinnamelt in there for you too. some ass hole just drove off after ordering." MLIA

Today, I decided to have some fun at the mall by walking up to random women, and saying in a stern voice, "I know about the affair." Four said they didn't know what I was talking about, five begged me not to tell their husbands, and three women paid me off. New hobby? I think so. MLIA

Today, a young male trick-or-treater came to my door in a fairy suit, with vampire teeth. A bit confused I asked if he was vampire or a fairy. 
He replied with I'm both. My name is Edward Cullen. Needless to say he got all of the candy I had. MLIA

At a friends house this weekend I heard his 6yr old daughter say she had a weiner. As her mom explained that only boys have a "weiner", her 4yr old brother yelled "Yeah, girls don't have weiners, they have brains!". Wise beyond your years, young one. MLIA.