Why Girls Like Twilight

Twilight = Emotional Porn. That's the simplest way to describe it. 

 Come on - most girls imagine themselves to be the secret object of worship by really hot guys who can see through them like an x-ray for the deep, mature, beautiful creatures that they really are under this sad teenage skin. (Think scene in "Juno" where a jock makes fun of Juno but Juno asserts that he secretly has a crush on her but can't resist the status quo. Really, Diablo Cody? Really?)

And a super hot guy who saves you all the time and won't look at a single other girl? Oh, baby! We girls have been fed this sh!t since Cinderella in preschool.

 

 

(sidenote: If I have any daughters, I am so making them watch "Mulan" and "The Lion King", no princess movies, period. I think it's ironic that we have these "safe" ratings for family movies, when I'm pretty sure that a violent, sexual movie of *intelligent* thematic depth and development is a hell lot safer than "clean", IQ-obliterating kiddie crap like Transformers or Hannah Montana.)  

I read some Bright Star reviews followed up by reader comments like "If only men were more romantic like Keats, the world would be a better place." Hell, why don't we WOMEN ever try to be the romantic one? We oppress ourselves by expecting the knight-on-a-steed treatment from every guy we meet, expecting chocolate and roses, yet these gestures are rarely reciprocated, except maybe some dirty stuff in bed, which hardly equalizes the relationship. Maybe by complaining less and doing more, they could open up a romantic portal in men that they themselves didn't expect. 

Coming back to "Bright Star", I think one of the most romantic parts of the movies is whenever Fanny shows Keats a romantic gesture - sewing his brother a pillowcase of exquisite artistic detail, slipping Keats a goodnight note under his door. Result: Keats is utterly beholden to her. Leave it to Campion to have the dynamic women to rule every relationship.

I have to credit Nathaniel R from FilmExperience for pointing out that the poster is a welcome deviation from classic love posters - every kind of woman I know loves to bark out for prominent rights, but it's these little details, impressed since childhood, that really imposes sexist barriers. 

 (shh, Bella, don't cry. Daddy's here!)

And what makes me so vitriolic about Twilight is that this kind of "male domination" poster is going AGAINST the trend of modern romantic movie posters. It legitimizes what I've been yelling about for the past three years; that Twilight is the most backwards, anti-feminist book aimed towards teenagers that I've ever seen. 

Consider: after a quick google search for "romantic movie posters".....

(Becoming Jane, above, was an unexpected surprise. Really enjoyed the treatment of relationships in that one)

Note their poses in relationship to each other. 

Godric Can Snap You Like a Twig and Don't You Forget It

I don't think True Blood is as great as everyone claims to be, but it's definitely addictive and in any regards, owns Twilight, so the more people who watch it and end up thinking "this is the shit! Twilight sucks!" the happier I am. 

Since the first season was nothing special, it wasn't until last night when I thought I'd give the second season another try, especially after hearing that things between Sookie and Eric were heating up (judge me if you will). And in looking for that sexy dollar, I found Godric the goldmine.

He's sweet and badass at the same time, not to mention fucking AWESOME. Bill is a bit too uptight and Eric is a bit too rascally. You sense that he's be fun for a romp but NOT good for long-term relationships. But Godric. I could marry Godric. 

He looks no more than a mere kid, but he - great kudos to the actor Allan Hyde - projects an air of worldly-weariness that makes him both stately and gentle-looking. He waxes philosophical, forgives his enemies, and coolly resolves conflicts. If he were ruler of the earth everyone would be making love and singing "Kumbayah". 

Don't let his soft-spoken tones indicate him of a pussy, however. In short, Godric is the vampire version of Chuck Norris. The only reason you're alive right now is because he wants you to be. He is extraordinarily good at snapping necks and moving at the speed of light, and frankly, everyone is kind of scared shitless at the sight of him. 

"Jesus will protect me!" squawks an anti-vampire preacher, prostate with fear/secret awe when confronted by Godric.

"I am actually older than your Jesus. I wish I could have met him, but I missed it."

That's right fuckers! Older than Jesus - In fact, I feel like in the series he's a bit of an allegory for Jesus himself - I may be over-reading things, but "God" in his name, the all-white ensemble he wears for most of the last episode, the pose above, and the departure - where he chooses to die of his own will, one of the most glorious vampire deaths you'll ever see. He explains it's to atone for his sins, and because two thousand years is enough. He's gotten to the zenith of existence, all love and forgiveness (except to Sookie's would-be rapist) to the point where he just transcends everything else. 

Oh, and the scene where he transforms Eric is just pure classic Godric badassery. 

Again, Allan Hyde (only 19!) is a wonderful actor. There's an obvious difference between the 1,000 year old Godric and the present day Godric, not only in the clothes and haircut, but also in the way he portrays him, down to facial expression:

Hyde plays Godric's evolution beautifully. The first time we see him,  he's a vicious vampire who casually dispatches two men because they're not worthy of immortality. His naked torso and Roman tattoos were indicative of his savage nature. But with his Chuck Bass-like smirk, bloody pout, and delicately illuminated cheekbones, I found him by far the sexiest thing that had appeared on True Blood so far, eclipsing Eric himself. There was something Puckish about him, the way he crouched and his eyes glinted, as if he was trying best to contain his laughter. Very devilish. Very sexy. 

A thousand years later, he's a considerably sadder, sobered vampire. I think that, in the hands of a lesser actor, Godric might have been the cliched, maniac leader who struts through his mansion and speaks haughtily to everyone else. But Allan Hyde shows the wear of a millennium through Godric's reserved, almost childlike pose. A thousand years earlier, he might have sat in his throne-chair like THIS,

eager to play off the role of the aristocratic vampire. But he sits almost shyly, his hands folded demurely in his lap as he listens to people rattle off their petty grievances. But nothing perturbs him, not the people kissing his ass or a traitor groveling before him. Super hot. 

This is probably the weirdest comparison yet, but Jane Eyre is one of my favorite books, and Mr. Rochester is always describing the weird quality of Jane's movements that fascinates him so - and his description is exactly like the one I think for Godric. Both are quiet, composed and speak softly, but move with an unearthly grace and look at people with penetrating, shrewd eyes, as if to say "is that all you have to say?" I love how some of the people talk to Godric, and upon receiving that look instead an actual reply, have no other choice than to walk awkwardly away.

The part where he lectures Lorena is fantastic. I've read a few articles where people criticized him for being "dull", and I disagree. Some people are under the impression that "Charismatic and Commanding" equates to just being loud and flamboyant, the way Eric is. There are all kinds. In Godric's case, he's an effortless leader. 

"I can snap you like a twig, but I haven't. Now why is that?"

Actually, he was pretty much the only useful character on True Blood, which I suppose is why they killed him off. Not too much drama if Godric keeps running around saving people and bringing about peace. RIP!!!! I really hope they bring him back in the future for some nice flashbacks. Half-naked Godric going all Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon on people, PLUS Viking Eric? Need I say more?

Well, I think Godric might be one of my favorite fictional characters of all time. Def. in the top five? What about you guys? (not that I'm certain anyone's ever looked at the blog, but I think I'm obligated to ask. Who's YOUR favorite fictional male characters?