Adam Shankman Rant

Dear Adam Shankman,

Taylor Lautner? (as much as it pains me to even mention his name on this blog, yes) Miley Cyrus and Zac Efron?

Their fans will already be in bed by the time the Oscars start, you DUMB TURTLEFUCK. Or they will youtube them the next day. 1 minute online versus swimming through three hours of boring adult talk and movies they've never even heard of. I would far prefer an organized Kanye-like stunt at the Oscars than have these glossy hacks besmirch a night that supposedly celebrates *good* movies. Even if you argue that the Oscars celebrate populist mediocrity, there is nothing that Efron, Lautner, or Cyrus have done that even reaches mediocrity. They're the reps of Crapland. I'm down with K-Stew because she's been in some pretty solid stuff - Into the Wild, Adventureland, and I loved Panic Room and The Runaways look interesting, at least. She's an industry veteran, despite her debatable acting skills. Whereas all the others have come straight from the showbiz cookie-cutter factory. I mean, was it too hard to get Shia LaBeouf, man? Preteens love him and he's going to be in Oliver Stone's Wall Street 2 (and dating Carey Mulligan!). He actually has more than a 10% chance of retaining a long acting career, unlike the three I mentioned. For god's sake, even Megan Freaking Fox! At least she has a goddamn personality. And unlike Efron and Cyrus, does not resemble a hermaphrodite.

And don't even get me on the John Hughes tribute. Much as I love him, how about a dead guy whose movies can be fondly referenced by at least 40% of an audience? What a fucking shame it will be when we see Scorsese, Bridges, and Streep clap in polite befuddlement ignorance after what will surely be a MTV-birthed montage. Way to make them feel like dinosaurs and remind them that, you know, they're not an important demographic.

Fuck you very much,

Stella